Is it bad

...that I'm still not sure what I want to say about the last few weeks, and an amazing man that I love very much?

We went from busy taking care of and being with dad, to busy with funeral stuff to - well I'm not sure what to call this stage. I'm trying to get back into the habit of sleeping & hoping that those who had cameras handy will share photos. I think that I've had more sad moments these last 2 days than I did when we had stuff to do, and am less in the mood to be around other people or to talk about things. A good friend tried yesterday (thanks Jody) and I'm not sure either one of us knew what to say. So yeah - I'm just a little lost at the moment.
I do still feel the peace and calm that prevailed during those days at the hospital. This has been such an amazing experience. I'm grateful to be part of this family. And dad, well - I miss him so much but am happy for him and grateful that he didn't have to suffer the worst for very long. The timing and the way things happened was such a blessing.
I had the honor of being right there with him when he died and can tell you that it was the most peaceful, beautiful experience. I was able to promise my own children that if you live life like he did, then dying isn't a negative or scary thing in any way. The room was filled with love, warmth and a tremendous calm. There is no doubt in my mind where he is right now. Moving forward for him was a joyous thing. I'm so thankful that I could be with him and feel of the spirit around him - to have that witness and a glimpse of the joy he felt. I know that he meant that when he said it.
So yeah.
I guess I'm still going through the mixture of happiness for him, sadness when I look at our family and know that there will be hard moments - he'll be greatly missed, to mending my own heart. I love that man. I'm grateful for him. He taught us and was an example to us right up until his last moments here on earth.

There, I said some of what I could say. Not nearly enough, but something for now.

A special thank you needs to go out to my squirrely friends. (Especially the beautiful Carin, who came down from Ogden and surprised me at the viewing.) They are just the sweetest.