some of what I never talk about

So I was thinking maybe I was going about this wrong, and I'm hoping I still am. I've been waiting for 13 years for Vern to be willing/able to sponsor me so that I could adjust my status from illegal alien to permanent resident, right? (Brandon & I filled out all the right forms, got our certified medical exams and have been waiting again for the last few years. I know for sure money is a current reason for waiting - not sure if that's all there is to it.) As a permanent resident you get a visa - you're allowed to work. So... I thought maybe you don't need to apply for residency first - maybe there's a way to apply for a visa so that we could at least work/go to school while we wait. So my new twist on the same old research began.

The first paragraph I'm about to share says exactly what I've been reading all along. I get a visa when I apply for an adjustment of status. For which I need a sponsor.
Who could be Vern, but for whatever reasons that I'll never fully understand has yet to happen. And may never happen.

"Aliens already living in the U.S., including certain undocumented immigrants, temporary workers, foreign students, and refugees, file an application for adjustment of status (to legal permanent residence) with the Bureau of U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS). At the time they apply for adjustment of status, applicants may also apply for work permits. New legal immigrants are automatically authorized to work and should receive alien registration cards ("green cards") after becoming legal permanent residents"

Everything I look up, no matter where I look or what I'm searching for comes back to these same basics. We need a sponsor. Would make sense for Vern to be that sponsor. We need to apply for an adjustment of status to permanent resident in order to get a work visa. (Exactly the forms we filled out more than 2 years ago, complete with the required medical exams.) Yeah, the immigration lawyer we spoke to back then besides talking to me like I was a diseased mole for being here illegally in the first place made it sound like an ominous process. (Why am I always the bad guy? I was admittedly young and stupid when I hopped in the car with Vern and very few personal belongings thinking that he knew what he was doing and that I'd be a legal resident & eventually a citizen as his wife. 13 years and 4 American kiddos later I'm less trusting and still Canadian. If I can even claim that after not having stepped foot there in 13 years. Anyway... :p) We had to have people sign certified letters stating that our marriage has been real. (Um, 13 years, 4 kids...? Yeah. Though we're still missing a letter.) And there are separate interviews we have to "pass" in order for the adjustment process to go through. As far as I've been able to determine so far, this is the only avenue to becoming legal from within the US.

Everything I've been told, everything I've researched says that there is no way to apply for any sort adjustment or visa ourselves from within the US. Period. We need a sponsor. Period. I'm trying to find out if that's true. I have 4 American children. I've lived here, married to an American citizen for 13 years. I'm healthy, educated & willing/able to work.
I've been waiting for Vern to help me for 13 years. I would so love to be able to do this for Brandon & myself. I'd love to, for once, not have to depend on someone else. In my heart of hearts I figure there has just got to be a way (that doesn't require us being millionaires) for Brandon & I to belong to the same country as the rest of our family. People immigrate here all of the time. In the time I've lived here I've seen several people complete the process. Our circumstances may not be the same, but yeah. I figure that there has got to be a plus side to having lived here for so long. If there is I hope to find it. I'll keep scouring lawyers' websites for information. There's got to be someone that can help us. I hope.

I would like to be able to visit my family in Toronto. I would like to show my kiddos where I grew up and introduce them to my family. I would like to, as I said, belong to the same country as my kiddos. I would love for B to be able to go to college, both of us to be able to drive, and you know - live normal lives. There are very few people out there who fully understand what it's like to live like we'd lived for so long. Most don't get it.

I've struggled with depression. I've struggled with watching my kiddos need things and having no way to help provide for them. Being an adult who isn't legally allowed to make money sucks. (I'm sure being Vern and trying to do it all himself has sucked too - though he's had, I feel, more choice in the matter.) I have no current I.D. I can't fly, drive, vote, win or be compensated for anything. I've never pretended to be okay with my situation. Just ask Vern. lol

All because I made a mistake 13 years ago and came here without finding out the proper procedures first. It was stupid of me to just trust that Vern knew what he was doing and would do the right thing by Brandon & I and not have more information when I moved here. And then I waited, and hoped, and prayed - then waited some more. I'm kind of done waiting. :p

I'll go back to my memes and flips. :) I just had a frustrating morning looking through sites and forms on a subject that makes me want to cry & leads me to the same stuff every time. Feels good to say something. A little scary too. Who knows, maybe something good will come of it. Maybe one of you knows something I don't.
If so, please share. :)