Does she know?

After a rough sort of a night full of sadness and doubt I ended up with a sunny sort of day. To say that I was not looking forward to today would be an understatement. Still pregnant on your due date with an ominous doctor appointment? Yeah, so not fun. But it didn't end up being so bad, and somewhere last night between all of the tears I figured something important out. Something I wanna share. Then I'll tell you all about today's appointment. :)

I started out last night all mad that my prayers and wishes for the last few weeks have been seemingly disregarded. There are good reasons why I want Maiah safely here before my kiddos go back to school & even better reasons to sincerely hope for another vbac. A c-section recovery with Elijah still so young and attached & a newborn all day? So not a pretty or easy thought. For so many reasons. Yet here I am still pregnant. I know I'm ready to meet her, and my family is all ready too. My body's been doing it's thing, being at the "any time now" point for forever and yet she's still in there. So I got to thinking about Maiah. Is she ready? Well, she's at full term - there should be no developmental issues - at this point it's just weight gain & waiting on her part too. She's got to be getting all squishy in there. I don't know how to explain it, but she seems like long baby.

Anyhow, while going back and forth between Maiah and myself, thinking that I really am ready for the pain of labor and the exhausting schedule of a newborn while hoping that she's ready for life out here something dawned on me about babies. She's been all warm and cozy for 9 months. She's never felt hunger - food just happens to make it to her through the umbilical cord on a steady basis. She's never felt cold, pain or fear. She's had some hiccups, and may have as hard of a time finding a comfortable sleeping position as me at this point but that's it. No wonder babies cry. Can you imagine being all cozy and warm in there, then going through the shock & pain of being squished through an opening smaller than you are into a bright, not always warm world where you suddenly have to rely on other people to understand and take care of your basic comforts? Feeling hunger for the first time, and cold - maybe hearing loud unpleasant noises and feeling the pain of your first little blood draw. I really did some thinking about this and realized that the old saying that you can't spoil a newborn is true. The comfort of being held close and hearing her mothers heartbeat - of that warmth from being cuddled and the familiar voices of her family, feeding her whenever she stirs - even if it's 5 times a night. How on earth can you give too much of these things to a newborn?

I hope she knows. I hope my little Maiah knows that I'm ready and fully prepared to do my best to make sure that she's greeted with smiles, love and every comfort I'm capable of giving. I hope she knows it's okay to leave what she's used to behind whenever she's brave and ready.

My biggest fear is having to have a ceserean section which would make it hard on me to be everything for her & her big brother all day by ourselves. Healing from that would make it difficult to care for Elijah, and he would lose a lot of his comforts on top of having to share my lovin' with a new baby. It just seems like it would be so hard on him. So that's why I've been sad, scared & freaking out with my due date approaching. Well here I am due date and all. I've been here before - it's so not fun, but yeah. My doctor made my day. I love him to pieces. He looked at me this morning and said "I know how much this means to you, so we won't even talk about scheduling a c-section until next week." Things are progressing nicely, and while he's not allowed to let me hit 2 weeks over, there's a really good chance I won't. Especially if I'm not all stressed out. Is he awesome or what? I walked in there so upset that my initial blood pressure reading was high. He re-took it afterwards and it had come down nicely. He just smiled & reassured me again. Oh, and stripped my membranes something good. :p So yeah. Still here, still pregnant but in a much better frame of mind today. :)
Oh, for those who follow the numbers thing... 3 cm, 80% effaced & -1. Good progress. Yay! :)

Sorry for another wordy post with no pics. Maybe I can at least get some pics and rectify that. :p Okay, so it was quick & the puffiness shows. Not so fantabulous. Gogo looking how you feel I guess. :p
Thanks Kirsten!

days

Sorry it's been days again. Time for another little round of catch-up. :)

The kiddos had a blast Christmas morning. They each only asked for a few things, and consequentially got everything they wanted and then some. It was an early morning (they were all up & ready to go by 6 am) followed by a busy day. (We spent most of the rest of the day at Nina's with Vern's family.)
The amount of snow that we've seen this past week has been insane. To say we had a white Christmas would be an understatement. lol
Yesterday was a little crazy. The battery died on the navigator last night while we were out shopping. We were stranded in front of game stop until grandpa Kent & grandma Nadine came to the rescue. Hooray for help on a very cold night! Brrr... Then right when we got home our power went out for awhile. Crazy huh? Yeah, and all of our candles were scented and we had a bunch going. Vanilla, lavender, I forget what else... we ended up hanging out in a very perfumed room. :p
Then I didn't sleep last night. I spent 7 hours (from 3 am until 10 am) timing contractions and thinking/hoping it was time. Then they slowed and yeah, I'm still here. I was really hoping. :( Tuesday is my due date & my next appointment. I'm running out of time and just plain sad that Maiah's not here yet. Still hoping to somehow avoid a c-section & to get her here this year. ;)
So yeah, I'm kinda down, being that I'm still here & pregnant and all. I have the worst headache. Vern's been distracting himself with WoW & stuff all day & I've been just hanging out cuddling with Ej, reading and trying very hard not to cry. Oh and showering - hot water is my friend. :p Owie. lol

And since I've been kinda absent I have stuff I wanna say to a bunch of people...

Thanks for the rescue Grandpa & Grandma!
So happy you're blogging Viv!
Miss you Jason! /squish
Hang in there Jill!
Thanks for the support Wendy!
I promise we'll call you when there's news Robin!
Hope there's been raiding, heroics & fun going on Omega Co! Miss you guys.
Thanks for hangin' in there blog readers! Hopefully there'll be pics & fun things to share soon. :)

It's Christmas Eve!

...and I'm still pregnant! lol
I must say that I'm very grateful to have spent the day with my family and to be here for the excitement in the morning. I do wish Maiah were with us as more than a (very large) bump, but hey - at least we're together. My kiddos are all happy & excited - it'll be so awesome for me to witness their morning and be with 'em. I wasn't sure if I'd be here or at the hospital and we were prepared for every possible Christmas baby scenario - but so far it looks like she's waiting. :) Well, with the presents ready & the stockings stuffed I should probably at least try to sleep.
I hope that all of you blog readers have a wonderful Christmas! :)

a Sunday update

So Wednesday was a maybe baby kind of day. Dr. Larsen got the contractions going so well, and they kept up through the night. But then they stopped. Then Friday night they kicked up even better and we were almost to the point of having a foot out the door ...then those stopped too. I was up all Friday night timing 'em and totally convinced I'd be holding her by now. I'm not. And I'm tired. And emotionally ...yeah. I so wanted to avoid finding myself in this place. Apologies to all of those folks who were excited along with us. I think I'm just gonna focus on Christmas and my kiddos who're here, and try not to think about how I'm 9 days from my due date and that close to having to schedule a c-section.
We've already tried everything we could find to help things along and I have my last appointment on Tuesday, so it's crunch time. I'm sure he'll try to help me get labor going one last time. He did joke about Christmas babies - maybe he was onto something with that. :p It was the one thing (outside of the c-section of course) that I didn't want. Been hoping for Christmas with all of my kiddos. :p Well anyway, that's the been a bunch of days since I posted kind of update. I'll have a new entry up with the annual Christmas Eve post unless there's real baby news.
Meanwhile, thank you Lauren for your help & support this weekend. Would have been cool if things had happened like we thought. :) And thank you Richard & Jason for being so awesome about sending /love this way. /extrasquishyhugs to both of you! Apologies in general for my tendancy to get quiet & disappear. I'm really not so much fun to be around right now anyhow. I'll re-appear when I feel I'm worth being around. No more false alarms though, that I can promise. :)
Merry Christmas blog readers!

a little randomness & maybe baby

~I've been craving Jamaican patties out of nowhere. I do so wish that they existed in Utah. Sadness. With maybe a vachon flakie to follow. Mmmmm... I so need a trip to Toronto. :p
~Omega Co. went to Obsidian Sanctum last night & got it done. Go guys go! I wish I could have been there, but am so happy they're raiding & getting folks some gear. Brandon didn't get to go on their raid, but did get to pug the vault again & got him some gloves. Yay B! I just hope we don't lose him again with his general lack of guild action. That'd be so sad. I really can't wait for my life to settle back into some normalcy so I can join in on the fun. I miss my WoW time, and more importantly - my WoW friends. :(
~I think Vern is nesting. lol He's been on a fix-it kick this week around the house. All kinds of little things that have needed to be done forever have suddenly been done. Go Vern! :) I'm sure he's just needing a distraction.
~I've been watching movies a little more than usual with the owie downtime of late. Hancock & Knight's Tale back to back is yum factor x2. I love me some Will & some Heath.
~Brandon is so awesome. He wrapped most of the Christmas gifts today. I just have to wrap his and we're done. ...and with a little more than a week to spare?! Yeah, that's just crazy. I'm usually up on Christmas Eve wrapping all by myself. Thanks B! :)
~Thanks to Nina too. :) She's been so awesome with making sure we have everything for Maiah. She has some good grandma insincts, and brought over some of what we still needed. (Plus the prettiest little Christmas-y dress. Yay!) Between her and Ben & Wendy we have enough little pink things that Maiah will be warm & comfy. :)
~Our neighbors have all started the Christmas treat sharing thing they do every year. We've had some yummy fudge, candy and cookies brought to our door so far. I don't know how all those ladies do it, but my kiddos sure do love that they think of us when it comes to sharing. :)
~My appointment went well this morning. Dr. Larsen did an awesome job of stripping the membranes, kicking things up a notch from where they've been. 60% & -1 (otherwise the same) is the number update, but if these pains get a little meatier overnight and don't subside we're looking at a maybe baby kind of night/morning. We shall see. :)

no news

Hola blog readers! Sorry it's been days again - just call me a slacker. :p

So yeah, no news is exactly that - no news.

Everyone around me is all anxious and waiting for me to announce "it's time!" or "she's here!" or something, and I'm just trying not to go crazy. I think she's dropped some more judging by the pain increase. :p Yeah, I'm as uncomfortable as I look. Yep, it hurts. Sometimes a lot. Yeah, any time now. Or, at least any time between now & the end of the month. No, I'm not in labor yet.
For something that I have no control over and that is as emotionally draining as these last weeks it's funny how many questions I answer a day. I'd love to get one massage or something for each time I get asked "well aren't you excited?" or "when do you think you'll have her?" Of course, and I have no clue. Sometime soon-ish. Hopefully not Christmas eve. :p
Vern's even home from work at the moment, waiting to see if today's the day. He's king of the anxious people. Yeah... Poor guy. All I've got to go on is that I'm not in labor right now. It could happen, but yeah. It could be next week.

It's a nice thing that everyone's so excited, I just have no real answers until it's time. lol I refuse to join the anxious people, since for me that means disappointment & emotional crud every moment that isn't the one. No thanks. I'd rather be patient & enjoy the excitement when it really happens.

Kirsten & I did escape Saturday night to go see Twilight, and I did make it to OC's first Naxx raid. Oh, and I think we're done with Christmas shopping. Yay! Now if I could just snag me some vent/play time with J, get me some access to a nice big soaking tub to pass time in & take Elijah on one last mommy/babe date before it really is time that'd be fantabulous. :)

a pink kind of post :p

It's been a crazy couple of days. Been making sure things are ready for Maiah, had my weekly appointment (and subsequent upswing in contractions and owieness) and trying (largely unsuccessfully) to spend at least a little time doing things I love (like playing wow with friends.) I got a little of that in yesterday, but not yet today. I miss 'em.

For those who speak baby (or at least know a little about labor & delivery) at yesterday's appointment I was 50% effaced, dilated to a 2, and she's at -2 station. (Yeah, she's only moved down a bit, but still.) For those who don't speak baby stuff - things are coming along nicely & I'll meet this baby girl sometime soon. :p My doctor swept my membranes yesterday, so that's why the upswing in bh contractions and such. Just made for an uncomfy day. I do love being at the point where my doctor says "see you next week if not sooner" as I walk out of there. :DToday has been a day of cleaning and laundry, trying to keep myself moving & even taking a few pics of the baby stuff to share. ;) I so love the warm & snuggly sweater-type thing that Vern picked out for her. It's soooo soft. She can't come home without wearing something Pooh-related either, and the hat makes me smile. Her bed is ready, her drawers have some little pink clothes in 'em, we have newborn diapers & I even have a bag mostly packed for the hospital.There are a few more things I'd like to get done, but could go into labor and at least be fine with where things are at. The whole no-phone thing freaks me out a little, but at the very least I have nice neighbors & grandmas who live close if Vern is stuck in traffic or whatever.Of course, with all that said - I'm not thinking she'll be here today or tomorrow, and am not anxious or impatient at all. Just happy to be close & ready to hold her whenever she decides to come.

hey hey

So it's been days again. :p This little blog of mine has been neglected. I'm not even sure what I have to say yet, but I do have a picture of Elijah that makes me smile.Cute, huh. My silly little boy. :)

So yeah, I'm still here. Just trying to be ready for Christmas & for bringing Maiah home. At 37 weeks and hoping for my vbac I'm doing what I can to help things along. Well, everything but the walking - I've been in so much pain the last few days that I can't pretend like exercise has happened. It hasn't. lol In any case, go Maiah go! Can't wait to have her in my arms. :)

Hodgepodge for Thursday

It's time to work on getting Maiah here. My doctor reminded me yesterday that with the whole vbac thing I'm not allowed to go past my date. Well, I can go over – it just means a scheduled c-section. :( At yesterday's appointment though she was at a -3 station (at least she's in position :p) and I'm dilated to a 1. Slowly but surely? I know and am not afraid to use all of the tricks in the book to move things along. I just know my body & realize I have to start encouraging things now if I'm going to be holding her by the 30th. Gogo walks and other stuff... :)
Oh, and I've been so stressed and consumed with other things that I've had several friends ask if I'm excited about Maiah. “You are excited, right...?” Yes, I am. Holding her is a happy thought. :) I think it's been fairly obvious for the past weeks though that I'm not doing a fantabulous job of focusing on the happy stuff with everything going on, so my attitude probably comes across wonky. I'm not always as strong as I pretend to be, and I've been an emotional wreck. Apologies for not being my, um, chipper self. Still trying to get back to that place. :)
Oh, I got Arinne to level 80 in the wee hours of the night. Nobody else in the guild was on when I finally did it, but I did take a random screenshot of her yesterday in her slowly acquired Northrend blues. (It's so sad to be replacing all of her hard-earned epics. :p) Not sure why I liked this fish tank-ish place, but I did. :) lol
Alrighty, I just tried to find some recent pics I could share & am being reminded that I totally need to play with my camera more.
Kirsten did take some shots at our family gathering the weekend before Thanksgiving. She got one of Vern (with laptop going as always... lol) and one of Brandon & I.Indoor lighting like that is tricky. She did well. I'll have her shooting like a pro by the time she's in high school. ;)

Meanwhile, with a baby update, a WoW update & some random family pics I think we'll call that a blog entry. Time to go find some pain meds & lunch.
Have a great day!

Yay!

We did it! Kirsten & I finished the cleaning I wanted done, and then Elijah helped her decorate the tree. Little Vern helped some too, while Vern slept in front of his movie and B played WoW. I let the kiddos decorate by themselves this year - I was feeling way too sore & icky to join in - but it was nice to let them enjoy it for once & just grab some pics. It was funny, there were clumps of ornaments at Elijah's height that Kirsten ended up trying to balance out and it still somehow looks different to me but they had fun & I'm happy it's up so yeah.Oh, and Kirsten pointed something out to me tonight that freaked me out just a little. We're at the 28 day mark as of today. o.O Wow. Just, um... wow. I need to get feeling better, finish getting things together and find my energy & smiles because this little one will be here in no time. The whole out-of-it-ness, stress, owieness, braxton hicks, sickies & holiday stuff has already made it seem like these last weeks are flying by 'til she gets here. :p I see my doctor every week as of this week & everything. I so need to get it together & be feeling normal so we can be ready. I need to figure stuff out like who's gonna want a call/text/email from the hospital & make sure we have everything she needs ready. I keep thinking of little things. Agh!
...And of course there's still Christmas stuff to figure out before then.
Wish me luck! :)

Happy December!

Tradition says that my Christmas tree would have gone up yesterday, but it didn't. With the sickies hanging out here the cleaning that comes before the decorating has gone way slow. Sadness. :( I've spent the day trying to catch up, hoping to get the tree put up tonight, but we shall see. It may end up being tomorrow. :p

I did get my Christmas banner up on my blog though. Lazy me, I'm just recycling the one I made the first year I was doing this. That poor angel has been retired and everything. Hmmm... Maybe that's why I still like it. :) She was part of my very first Christmas tree. Back from single mom/college days. I still have quite a few of the ornaments I bought back then, just not the tree or the angel.

Anyhow, I feel like such a slacker once again. It seems like most of my fellow bloggers decorated this weekend like I would have, and here I am hoping to get it done soon. Of course, there will be pictures & such when we get to. :) For now you all get to hear me whine or whatever. Again. This is not a good habit I've been developing, huh. :p

Kirsten helped me throw this together to add to this post since I was worried I'd have no Christmas-y pics just yet. Not that this is all that Christmas-y, but yeah. It's what I had to work with. :p
(She even took the pic - it was on Thanksgiving & I wasn't feeling great, but it's something, right? Yeah, I'm so glad we'll have plenty other stuff to take pics of over the next few weeks. :p)