"If we cannot live so as to be happy, let us at least live so as to deserve it."
~Immanuel Hermann Fichte

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

comfort vs reality and some thoughts

The other day while waiting for our pizza to arrive I let Kirsten take a picture of me. (You would think that by now I'd have learned that I *never* like pics of myself when I'm not feeling well, but yeah. They still happen. lol)

True to form, after my initial "ugh, ick, gross!' type reaction I played in ps to see if I could "save" it. I still end up deleting pics like this 99% of the time, but yeah I play first. It's funny to me that I'll try to distort reality to see if I can make it so that like it better. I grabbed the curves of this shot & blew it out to try and draw the focus to my eyes. :p It's still the same shot of me looking tired and not exactly happy in some slightly funky lighting (it bounces around so weird right there) but with a focus shift to something I don't hate I dislike it less. I'm at least more comfortable sharing it.
I'm feeling brave enough to share my pooky pic & my attempt to save it at the moment just to show what a spaz I am - just note that the likelhood of them remaining is pretty much zero . Yeah, just glanced at 'em - it's not gonna happen. lol I promise I'm not as unhappy as I look in this. My pain meds just hadn't kicked in yet. And yeah, I look tired. Eeeew. :p

The moral of this story, or at least the thought in my head when I started typing was this: Things are what you decide they are. You choose your outlook. If you don't like something about your reality change it. Play with it until you like it better or discard it and move on.
...And if you have faults that you're aware of (like me being way too self conscious & wanting to look perfect even when I feel like total crud) be brave and face 'em. Show your gross icky photo to the world before you delete it. lol
Wanna hear something funny? Sure you do. :p LV just looked at these pics and said he liked the "before" pic better. !!! He said he liked being able to see my skin. lol I'm so grateful that those who love me don't see all my faults quite as clearly as I do. Especially when I have no ps to play with in the morning before they have to look at me. lol My sweet boy even called me pretty. Ice cream for him after school! (Oh, and it's okay if you agree with me and not with LV - of course his view is biased. I love him for it and won't love anyone else less for seeing what I see. I'll have to get me some sun, put on a smile & have K take a pic that I feel is more true to how I see myself.)

Well, when I peek at my blog later in a more fully awake state, this post might suddenly change or disappear. :p Or I'll go blog entry happy and push it back a few pages. lol Either way, happy Tuesday blog readers!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

April, I am in the middle of painting but I had to post my comments, I love this picture of you.... don't delete it!!! The original is beautiful, and so is the 2nd one. I just wish that you could see what we (family and friends) see sometimes. I am going to call you tonight, or do my best to. Give everyone my love. Miss you bunches and bunches!! xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Good thoughts but you're crazy to not like the picture. Whatever you did to it, the second one does look really cool. They do that type of thing for stars & models so why not do it for you. Makes you look like one. ;)

Anonymous said...

I hope you're leaving this up. I for one think you are beautiful. Maybe a little crazy though....
I like the second one, but I don't see what's wrong with the first one.